Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Plumbing Funny Business

Jon and I had a "What The Heck!" moment recently and decided to put a new toilet and sink in our bathroom. Our house is old (about 100). The bathroom? Well, it hasn't been touched since the owners previous to the previous owners put in 50 years ago. It's vintage. We've had a door hinge hanging under the sink for about 20 years which acts as a counterweight to keep the plug working. The toilet doubled as a rocking chair when my kids were babes. Yeah, u-huh.

So we went on up to Lowe's and splurged!

Do we know how to live or what? A cousin of a neighbor's friend was going to install our new "furniture" but that seems to have fallen through. Today a plumber came to visit.

"Mrs. Trout, do you know if the pipes to that toilet are lead?"
"Hmmm... copper? Aren't they copper?"
"Well, that could be, Mrs. Trout but if they are lead, we'll have to rip out the whole floor."
"Uh, hmmm... . The floor?"
"Yes, ma'am. That'll really cost you."
"Uh... . "
"It'll take me about 15 minutes to write up the estimate, Mrs. Trout."
"Uh, yeah, no problem."
         15 minutes squeaks by.
"Ok, Mrs. Trout, do you want to sit down?"
"No, I can take it."
"Ok, Well, let's see here. The way I wrote this estimate is a little confusing... there are a few different options. With this first scenario, it'll be $,,,, . In this scenario, it'll be $,,,, and if those pipes are lead, well, Mrs. Trout, we can't take responsibility."
"Arck" (sitting down) and wondering if we can return the danged toilet and sink. The door hinge is really kind of charming. Sink jewelry.
"But Mrs. Trout, if you noticed on that estimate, there are two prices: one for members and one for non-members."
"Members?" Of what: church? country club? The Democratic National Committee? WHAT?
"You pay $95 a year and all that year - everything is 10% off! AND we come over and give your plumbing a real good going-over and tell you exactly what you need!"

Like a lead pipe to the head? Or maybe a new plug to keep the money from leaking from my wallet? Why not just come after me with a plunger to dislodge all that disposable cash?

Me: "So, ya'll come  over and look over our pipes and tell us a bunch of stuff that we need?" (to pay you, all for the low price of $95 + 10% off.)
"Yes, ma'am!"
Wow, whadda deal! Where did they get that business model?

Despite the tragic manner in which our innocence was crushed, I find myself laughing so hard that my eyelids turned inside out.

And just in case you think I have something against plumbers, let me snake your drain: my father, uncle and grandpop were all plumbers. The businessman who visited today was from a company that was in business back in the day, a competitor of my dad and I can still hear Pop muttering: "g-d O'D..." (I won't name names here; I think he's a brother-in-law of a cousin).

Does anyone know a good plumber?


Anonymous said...

I dont know of a good plumber where you are being in the UK sorry lol but I'm giving you a heads up, never try and replace your gates on the outside of your house either lol..that's a whole nother kettle of fish....eventually I bribed my 'engineering' son to do it for a good meal lol good luck

Cynthia said...

Funny but not. Sorry your delight in new furniture install was short lived. Seems anything older that 5 years (sometimes less in PC world)is cause for major expense and work. A broken door handle on an old storm door here is a big deal as well. Good luck in resolving your dilemma.

lyle baxter said...


Sharon ML Schutt said...

Oh I know the pain. But I do know a good plumber too. My hubby! (handi-man actually) I wonder? If only we lived in your area, we could work out a trade! tee hee. I wonder if he would work so I could take a class from you? Hope you find reliable help near by.

Cheryl Razmus said...

Sorry, Diana, but I count my blessings every day for having a husband who does it all. He's totally replaced our two bathrooms and the kitchen. We did, however, hire a Home Depot subcontractor to install new heating and air conditioning last year. (I think he only did that because the government offered to reimburse part of the cost.)

Diana Trout {Nan.DT@verizon.net} said...

I've had 2 phone calls and an email today for a plumber! Ho ho! Oh yes, Sharon, that would be a great trade. You could get many classes from me for a plumbing trade.

Randi said...

I too laughed out loud when I read this, especially your comments after hearing about his "good deal." I thought "That's a good deal only for the plumber." Thanks for brightening my day!

Amy said...

HAHA Nanny....that was funny. I got a really clear picture of Dad in my head. - Amy

Asfand Mudassir said...
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LA computers said...
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